AI Wants To F*ck
Heineken launched a dating app for bars, tariffs might ruin your orgasms, and my never ending dating anxiety.
On Wednesday, I left a date in tears 20 minutes in.
We don’t talk about the dates that go sour. The people who leave us anxious, shaking, and crawling out of our skin. And the worst part is…he didn’t do anything wrong.
He’s actually rather sweet. But there’s this thing that happens when I’m with men sometimes. A deadening. I’ve had to reset my nervous system from world bending situationship after situationship too many times—wrest myself from a graveyard of men that wanted me enough to fuck but not enough to stay.
Always good guys. Always good intentions. Always at my expense.
Perhaps these good men who just aren’t “ready” for relationships have ruined it for the rest. Like my curly haired Wednesday date.
In him I saw my ex. And as soon as he opened his apartment door I felt every ounce of desire recoil into the corner of my chest. My shoulders tightened. My voice went flat. My eyes fucking stung.
It took everything to leave. I lied about the reason. I called my brother on the way home.
But, enough about my spiral—here’s the haps in sex, tech, & dating this week: some of which is also spiraling LOL.
A new dating app…for bars.
I’m not a beer drinker, but Heineken is onto something.
The brewing company rolled out “Bar Dating Apps” in Brazil and Italy in response to Gen Z and Millennial frustration with our current social landscape.
Rather than swiping on people, Heineken matches you with bars.
Yesterday, I asked my Instagram community what they want more of in their romanic and spicy lives. Spoiler alert: we want more non-sexual intimacy and likeminded, intentional friendships.
I mean…we want sex too: “MFM”, “Public Sex”, “Spontaneous sexy time”, and “A good pegging” to cite a few responses.
But maybe we can kill two birds with one stone: “dating” apps focused on connecting users with compatible IRL spaces and events might be a feasible solution to the loneliness epidemic.
Bellesa tells tariffs to fuck off.
ICYMI, Trump is tanking the economy and we’re all paying the price (as if eggs weren’t enough…I fucking like them, ok?!).
A universal 10% tariff on imported goods means our sex toys just got more expensive—except Bellesa loves us too much to take away the only thing preventing a global crash out: orgasms.
Oh, and did I mention, you could win free vibrators for life?
Hinge isn’t designed to be deleted but…
the company reportedly backed $1 million in grant funding for local UK groups offering free spaces for connection and building community IRL.
One More Hour, the official title of their initiative, is the first genuine thing I’ve seen the company offer. But, OMH launched in the US a year ago and I have yet to see any IRL events advertised in app (can you tell I still hate Match Group?).
Probably because we’d ditch swiping to connect with real people. AND THAT’S THE FUCKING POINT.
Flirt bots, sex bots & AI’s chokehold on intimacy.
It’s no surprise that Tinder launched the “Game Game”, an AI generated flirting simulation, on April Fool’s Day.
Except it’s not really a joke. Match Group has been down bad for the last year, hemorrhaging users who are just over swiping. And in a foolish attempt to stop the bleed, the company wants to capitalize on the alarming rates of human sexual and romantic investment in AI personas.
As if falling in literal love with ChatGPT isn’t freaky enough (or using it as a dating coach), people are fucking AI too.
Allow me to explain why this is an issue on two fronts:
AI sex bots are messing with user’s sexual and emotional expectations far more than human-made porn ever could.
These bots are infringing on an already contested, fraught, and criminalized economy for real sex workers.
Personally, this all worries me—a lot. Which is why I like to be loud about my concerns.
Dame caused a scene with their “Obscene Device.”
The Texas bill requiring ID age verification to buy sex toys is only a proposal—for now. And I’m not the only one who hopes it fucking stays that way.
On International Women’s Day, Dame, a sexual wellness company, rode through Dallas with one of their vibrators plastered on the side of an 18-wheeler truck.
They’re headed to New York & Miami as well. Keep your eyes peeled.
When was your last STI test?
Not to be alarmist or anything, but Trump just shut down the CDC’s lab tracking sexually transmitted disease and infection rates in the US.
Unequivocally not fucking good.
BUT WAIT there’s hope!(?) LabCorps just announced a self-collected STI testing option nationwide. The great news? They test for gonorrhea and mycoplasma genitalium: both on the rise right now.
For comedic relief: Kanye is making sex toys.
Ok, don’t quote me on this.
It’s a rumor, and honestly it should stay that way. However, unidentified sources say that Ye is crafting a sex toy line inspired by Bianca Censori. I will not be buying.
While I don’t trust Kanye to make a sex toy worth my time, here are some products you should check out on your lunch break: