Teach me, Daddy: How shirtless men became dating gurus

Plus: deepfake porn, bondage 101, and why women’s desire still scares the internet

May 19, 2025

On Friday, my date turned into an unpaid relationship coaching session.

This is a regular occurrence actually, but only with men. My slightly awkward Feeld match sat next to me—eating a Ceasar salad no less—increasingly shocked, perplexed, intrigued, and ever so slightly aroused by my background as a sex educator.

I felt the romantic connection dissolve as our conversation became a NSFW Q&A style info session.

Over one drink and a long walk around Domino park, he admitted that he rarely gets to discuss pleasure, kink, or the complexities of non monogamous relationship styles (much less with a women he finds attractive). I went teacher mode and fielded every question he felt emboldened to unload about D/s dynamics, masculinity’s tension with submission, and of course, proper choking techniques.

Ultimately, he left our interaction with added value: now he understands that polyamory and casual dating aren’t the same thing.

I should’ve gotten paid.

While I have no interest in coaching men on dates, they have to get their information somewhere, and apparently AI is here to help—plus everything else sex, love, and dating I’d yap to you about over FaceTime.

Men leading boys? Or the blind leading the blind?

The male loneliness epidemic is real—but let’s not forget who built it.

Patriarchy, not women, taught men to fear vulnerability, outsource intimacy, and treat partners as free domestic labor or trophies to display. So it’s no surprise that now, in a dating environment that’s demanding emotional fluency and mutual care, many men are lost.

Enter the manosphere: a profit machine that preys on the disconnection it produces.

Take Master Attraction, a new AI-powered dating education system that claims to help men “pull” women on purpose. But creator Dan Bacon isn’t guiding anyone toward a healthy relationship—he’s selling manipulation dressed up as masculinity. A crash course in “alpha male 101.”

I almost choked reading a user testimonial: “I just came in and claimed her.”

This isn’t dating. It’s conquest. And it keeps lonely men stuck in the very patterns that isolate them.

But while the redpill empire expands, another kind of guy has garnered attention too.

Sexy. Self-aware. Shirtless.

On Instagram and TikTok, a new wave of loverboy educators post thoughtful reflections on dating, intimacy, and gender roles—wrapped in abs, ring lights, and thirst-trap aesthetics. Hint: it’s working.

I’ve been simping over Justin (calling out gym creepers), Noah (who muses on the complexities of first date sex), Kamerron (dragging male double standards), and Greyson (leaning hard into his loverboy era).

Do they benefit from male privilege and pretty privilege? Obviously.

Is it a little infuriating that people only listen once there’s a six-pack or pretty boy involved? Yes.

But maybe we can weaponize hotness for healing.

Y’know, “dickmatism for the greater good.”

And the BookTok-Darcy-obsessed girlies are sold. Maybe yearning isn’t dead.

Women are too much, too little, and apparently always wrong.

Am I kicking my feet that some men are beginning to rethink their approach to dating, pleasure, and partnership? Absolutely.

But why can’t we applaud women for doing the same?

Especially when they step into their own power—whether that means decentering men completely or proudly celebrating their sex lives out loud.

Julia Fox recently told Elle that being “boy sober” helped her actually feel her own pleasure. No more faking orgasms or seeking male validation. Meanwhile, Vanity Fair strapped her into a lie detector and had the nerve to ask her if she hates men. Shouldn’t we be asking her ex if he hates women? No?

Then there’s Halle Berry, who posted a sweet reel in bed with her man yapping about her new lube line…and was promptly called “bizarre” by Megyn Kelly. So let’s recap: if you opt out of men, you’re a villainous hater. If you enjoy sex with a man, you’re embarrassing or likely on drugs.

Sounds like there’s no right way to be a woman—unless you’re invisible.

Deepfake porn & hackable butt plugs.

AI is moving faster than laws can catch up—and the tech is making it easier for hackers, abusers, and vengeful exes to weaponize our sexuality against us.

An actress discovered that 400+ deepfake porn videos of her existed online. All created without her consent and featuring racial slurs. Some posted by a single obsessive man who later issued a fake apology via AI-generated video. That’s not Black Mirror. That’s real.

Oh, and don’t even get me started on the internet-connected sex toys being hacked by strangers. The FBI literally issued a warning about this. Your teledildonic butt plug? It might be letting in more than you bargained for. Time to buy a new router.

But you know what can’t be hacked? Handcuffs, under bed restraints, and a whole lot of rope to tie your partner with.

Let’s get into a mini guide on bondage shall we?

You don’t need to be a Shibari expert or rope top to enjoy restraint play. There’s more than one way to strap someone down—no knots required.

What is Bondage & Restraint Play?

At its core, bondage is the eroticization of restriction. It’s about limiting movement for the purpose of pleasure, control, surrender (or all three). And whether you’re the one getting tied up, doing the tying, or simply vibing in your cage like the subby lil pet you are, there’s no wrong way to explore.

Let’s break down a few common kinds of bondage, so you can get inspired:

Rope Bondage / Shibari: The aesthetic and very technical darling of the kink world, it uses intricate knot patterns, often on the chest or limbs—also perfect for suspension.
Cuffs and Soft Restraints: Great for beginners and for faster paced play. These are simple to use and easy to escape in case of emergency. Bonus: many come with quick-release clips.
Chastity Play: Not all bondage is about limbs—sometimes it’s about locking down your partner’s genitals. Some folks wear them for hours. Some for weeks. Oh, to be a keyholder hehe.
Caging: Literally putting someone in a human-sized cage. Not for the claustrophobic or tiny NYC apartments—but deeply satisfying for pet players and degradation lovers.
Predicament Bondage: A sadistic fave. This involves restraining someone into a position that becomes increasingly uncomfortable or challenging to hold—forcing them to “choose” between discomfort and defiance. Rope knowledge can be exciting here!
Facial Bondage: Think blindfolds, gags, muzzles. Often paired with sensory play, this heightens helplessness and control. (PSA: be very careful of neck restriction!)
Verbal or Psychological Bondage: Yup, bondage without physical restraints. “Don’t move.” “Don’t touch me until I say so.” That’s verbal bondage. The brain is the juiciest sex organ, after all.

So Why Try It?

Trust + Control: Good bondage is built on deep communication and vulnerability.
Focused Attention: When someone’s tied up, every inch of their body becomes an opportunity. That kind of attunement is hot.
Creativity: Bondage is genuinely beautiful to look at. Plus, it encourages us to get clever with fantasies & play.

Now that your knots are tight & your safe words are ready, where can you play in public?

Weekly Spotlight: BOUND

This techno—forward fetish rave takes over Basement in Queens—an iconic, Berlin-style venue with smokey lights, heavy bass, and zero judgment. It’s queer, kinky, and while it’s technically a no-sex party (archaic NYC liquor laws), the energy says otherwise.